Patient Communication Through ‘Letting Them’ by Dr. Corinne Devin

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Categories: Orthodontics; Practice Management, HR and Accounting;
Patient Communication Through ‘Letting Them’   

A leadership mindset for orthodontic practice

by Dr. Corinne Devin

Why communication, not control, drives retention
Every orthodontist has experienced it: the well-explained treatment plan that still meets resistance, the adolescent patient who “forgets” elastics, or the parent whose expectations conflict with what is biologically achievable for their child. These moments aren’t failures of clinical skill—they are tests of communication and leadership.

In the military, I learned you cannot control reactions under stress—but you can control clarity, consistency, and composure. This lesson shapes how I communicate with patients. Inspired by Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory,1 I developed “Patient Communication Through Letting Them,” a framework that preserves trust, reduces burnout, and improves retention.

What ‘Letting Them’ means in orthodontic communication
“Let Them” does not mean disengagement or lowered standards. It means releasing the urge to manage emotions that aren’t yours, while doubling down on your education, boundaries, and leadership.

In practice, this looks like:
  • Letting patients have emotional reactions without personalizing them.
  • Letting parents ask hard questions without defensiveness.
  • Letting adolescents choose compliance—while owning the consequences.
  • Letting yourself stay calm, confident, and consistent.
This shift moves the orthodontist from people pleaser to trusted guide. Instead of forcing a predetermined script, you stay responsive, pivoting when a plan isn’t working and clearly communicating next steps.

In difficult conversations with military leaders, I learned that certain language lowers defenses and builds trust. Words such as “awareness,” open-ended “how” and “what” questions, and phrases like “help me understand” or “I’d like to know more” invite collaboration rather than resistance. Approaching conversations with curiosity instead of control is felt immediately and consistently leads to better outcomes. This mindset allows orthodontists to maintain authority without confrontation and connection without compromise.

Let patients react and lead with clarity
Unexpected reactions are inevitable. A parent compares your treatment plan to TikTok or a neighbor’s Instagram-perfect smile. A patient shuts down when hearing timeline estimates. In these moments, the instinct to persuade or defend is strong but rarely effective.

Behavioral science shows that information delivered under stress is poorly retained. In the Navy, such information is rarely received the first time—and the orthodontic chair is no different.

Rather than escalating explanations, I pause.
  • Acknowledge emotion before education: “I can see this feels overwhelming.”
  • Restate the mission clearly: Diagnosis, why treatment matters, and what success looks like.
  • Repeat calmly without changing your recommendation.
This approach reflects emotional intelligence,2 allowing orthodontists to maintain authority without defensiveness, communicate effectively under pressure, and guide patients through uncertainty.

Letting patients react diffuses tension and shifts the interaction toward understanding. If a patient or parent seeks a second opinion, let them. Acknowledging autonomy rather than resisting it reinforces trust and confidence in your recommendation.

Leadership flexibility at chairside
Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence and in “Leadership That Gets Results” describes six leadership styles and emphasizes that effective leaders shift between them depending on the situation, not personality preference or stress response.3
  • Authoritative leadership sets a clear vision and communicates confidence in the treatment plan.
  • Coaching leadership builds rapport, supports growth, and fosters long-term engagement.
  • Affiliative leadership restores trust and emotional safety when tension is high.
  • Democratic leadership invites input when appropriate, helping patients and parents feel heard.
  • Pacesetting leadership reinforces high standards—but use it sparingly to avoid burnout.
  • Commanding leadership has a place in moments of urgency or crisis, when clarity and decisiveness are essential.
Letting patients react creates space to choose the most effective leadership approach. “Leaders with the best results do not rely on only one leadership style; they use many or most of them… depending on the situation.”3

By releasing the need to manage emotional reactions, orthodontists gain something far more powerful: the ability to lead with clarity, flexibility, and confidence. Consistent leadership creates space for patients—especially adolescents—to take ownership of their treatment. And when patients own their role in treatment, compliance becomes a choice rather than a battle.

Let adolescents own compliance
Orthodontists cannot want compliance more than patients do. When we apply pressure to “motivate,” we often achieve the opposite result—especially with adolescents.

Behavioral science consistently shows that autonomy, not pressure, is a primary motivator, particularly for adolescents.4 When patients feel they are choosing their actions, engagement and follow-through improves; when they feel controlled, resistance increases.

Self-Determination Theory explains motivation is strongest when three psychological needs are supported: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.5 These principles are highly relevant in orthodontic care, where daily behaviors—elastic wear, aligner compliance, and oral hygiene—determine treatment outcomes.

When compliance is pursued through guilt, fear, or constant reminders, clinicians become exhausted, and adolescents disengage.

A simple language shift can restore autonomy without lowering standards:
  • From: “You need to wear your elastics.”
  • To: “This is how elastics move teeth. Whether they’re worn determines how quickly we finish.”
This reframes compliance as ownership rather than obedience.

Younger patients may respond to extrinsic rewards, but these incentives often lose effectiveness during the teenage years. Research shows that external rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation if perceived as controlling rather than supportive.4

The goal is to align extrinsic motivation with what the patient values. When adolescents understand how treatment connects to outcomes they care about—appearance, confidence, social identity, or independence—motivation becomes internalized.

Clinically, this means:
  • Offering meaningful choices where possible.
  • Teaching at every visit to build competence.
  • Reinforcing progress rather than policing behavior.
  • Allowing outcomes to teach, rather than threatening consequences.
I often frame treatment as a team effort, reminding patients they are the most valuable player. When patients feel capable, respected, and connected, compliance improves because they are invested.

Let them choose. Let outcomes teach. You remain supportive, not controlling.

Supporting autonomy does not mean removing structure or parental involvement. Instead, it requires aligning patients and parents around shared expectations, while maintaining clear clinical leadership.

Navigating parent dynamics without losing authority
Parents advocate fiercely because they care, but advocacy is often driven by anxiety rather than opposition. Concerns about cost, timelines, discomfort, and long-term outcomes can heighten emotional responses, particularly during adolescence, when parents recognize they cannot fully control results. Adolescence is a high-stakes developmental period, and parents sense this intuitively—even when they cannot fully articulate it.

Developmental psychologist Laurence Steinberg describes adolescence as a period of heightened brain plasticity paired with underdeveloped impulse control and executive function, creating a gap between understanding and behavior.6 Adolescents may grasp treatment goals yet struggle with daily follow-through. As peer influence increases and emotional regulation continues to mature, parents often compensate, sometimes unintentionally undermining patient autonomy and orthodontic authority.

Understanding the parents’ frame of reference is essential, as many arrive with information overload from social media, online forums, or comparisons. Questions are rarely challenges to clinical expertise; they are attempts to reduce uncertainty. Validating concern without surrendering leadership reduces parental anxiety and positions the orthodontist as a confident guide.

Steinberg emphasizes the effectiveness of an authoritative communication style—warm, firm, and supportive—which translates directly to orthodontic practice:6
  • Warm: Acknowledge parental concern and patient frustration.
  • Firm: Clearly state non-negotiables such as hygiene and appliance wear.
  • Supportive: Frame compliance as the patient’s responsibility and an opportunity for success.
When parents feel heard, they are more likely to support treatment without controlling it. Adolescents gain space to develop ownership, self-regulation, and accountability—skills that extend far beyond the orthodontic office. Calm, confident leadership reassures families more effectively than over-explaining or defensiveness. Let parents ask. Then anchor the interaction:
  • Validate concern
  • Reaffirm expertise
  • Clarify boundaries
Maintaining this balance requires orthodontists to let go of the need for approval. Prioritizing clarity over appeasement allows confidence to replace conflict, and patients respond accordingly.

Let go of people-pleasing: Patients trust confidence
Orthodontists are trained for precision, control, and predictability. Communication, however, thrives on presence, not perfection. When clinicians fear negative opinions, they may soften recommendations, over-explain, or compromise standards. Patients sense this immediately.

Research shows patients respond first to a clinician’s emotional presence, then to content.7,8 Emotional intelligence in healthcare is associated with stronger patient relationships, increased trust, improved satisfaction, better compliance, and reduced tension during difficult interactions. These skills—self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management—are developed through reflection, mindfulness, active listening, and feedback.

In orthodontic care, people-pleasing behaviors can unintentionally signal uncertainty, even in highly competent clinicians. By letting go of the need for approval, orthodontists project a calm, authentic confidence that steadies patients and parents through consistency, clarity, and emotional regulation.

Across disciplines, a composed leader’s emotional tone sets the climate. When orthodontists lead with confidence rather than appeasement, patients feel respected, supported, and secure. Parental involvement, oral health literacy, and clear, empathetic communication further strengthen trust and improve outcomes.9

Letting go of people-pleasing frees clinicians to focus on what matters most: clear, confident, and consistent leadership. From this foundation, orthodontists are better equipped to own their responses in every interaction—recognizing emotional triggers, maintaining composure, and modeling the self-regulation they encourage in their patients.

The ‘Let Me’ moment: Owning your response
After patients or parents react, resist, or question, the “Let Me” moment is your power move. “Let Me” means taking responsibility for what happens next. While we cannot control external events, we can control our behavior, attitude, and responses. By owning our reactions, we cultivate self-awareness, emotional regulation, and composure: core leadership skills in orthodontic practice.

This mindset aligns with Stoic philosophy, cognitive-behavioral psychology, and mindfulness-based approaches, all of which emphasize focusing on what we can control: our responses. Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations reflects the value of observing one’s thoughts to cultivate emotional regulation.10 Epictetus similarly reminds us, “Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them.”11 Mindfulness-based interventions further support this principle, demonstrating improvements in present-moment awareness and emotional regulation.12,13

Patients remember how they felt long after forgetting appointment specifics, which is why clinicians must control the tone and boundaries, responding thoughtfully to shape patient perception and trust.

You control:
  • Tone
  • Boundaries
  • Consistency
  • Emotional regulation
This level of self-mastery communicates stability and respect. When orthodontists model composure and intentional leadership, patients feel seen, understood, and guided. Owning your response is decisive leadership that reinforces trust and engagement.

Why this approach drives retention and referrals
Practices that consistently apply the “Let Me” mindset—owning responses, regulating emotions, and leading with composure—see measurable improvements in patient experience and outcomes. Fewer confrontational visits, stronger trust with parents, improved adolescent accountability, reduced team burnout, and more confident treatment acceptance are natural byproducts of calm, consistent leadership.

Motivational interviewing (MI) aligns with this approach, emphasizing collaboration and empathy to elicit a patient’s own reasons for change without pressure.14 Open-ended questions help patients reflect on the gap between current behaviors and desired outcomes, reinforcing autonomy and commitment—particularly in adolescents.15,16

When orthodontists combine “Let Me” ownership with MI principles, conversations shift from corrective to collaborative. Patients feel guided rather than managed, heard rather than controlled. This patient-centered environment reduces resistance, increases adherence, and strengthens long-term engagement.

Ultimately, retention and referrals are not driven by perfect compliance, but by the trust that comes from patients and parents feeling respected, supported, and confident in their care. Emotional regulation, autonomy-supportive communication, and consistent boundaries create practices patients want to stay connected to long after treatment ends.

Let them, then lead
Orthodontics is not just about biomechanics—it is about human behavior. Every interaction is an opportunity to build trust, reinforce accountability, and guide patients through uncertainty. When orthodontists stop trying to control reactions and instead lead with clarity, boundaries, and composure, communication becomes more effective and far less exhausting.

The “Let Them” mindset reframes common challenges—noncompliance, resistance, parental anxiety—not as obstacles, but as invitations to lead. Let patients react. Let adolescents choose. Let parents ask questions. And then lead with confidence rather than approval-seeking. Practices built on calm, consistent leadership earn loyalty. Patients return and refer because they trust the person delivering care.

Let them react. Let them choose.
And then, let yourself lead. 

References

1. Robbins M. The Let Them Theory. New York, NY: Hay House; 2024.
2. Salovey P, Mayer JD. Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality. 1990;9(3):185–211. https://doi.org/10.2190/DUGG-P24E-52WK-6CDG
3. Goleman D. Leadership that gets results. Harvard Business Review. 2000;78(2):78–90.
4. Deci EL, Ryan RM. Intrinsic and extrinsic motivations: Classic definitions and new directions. Contemporary Educational Psychology. 2000;25(1):54–67. https://doi.org/10.1006/ceps.1999.1020
5. Ryan RM, Deci EL. Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist. 2000;55(1):68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68
6. Steinberg L. Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2014.
7. Goleman D. Emotional Intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books; 1995.
8. Goleman D, Boyatzis R, McKee A. Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press; 2002.
9. Taskaya B, Buldur B. Parental and individual determinants of dental trust in children: A path analysis of a conceptual model. BMC Oral Health. 2025;25:127. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12903-024-05159-9
10. Hadot P. The Inner Citadel: The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press; 1998.
11. Epictetus. Enchiridion (Epictetus, trans. 1890/1998, §5).
12. Locher C, Meier S, Gaab J. Psychotherapy: A world of meanings. Frontiers in Psychology. 2019;10:460. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00460
13. Kraemer KM, Jain FA, Mehta DH, Fricchione GL. Meditative and mindfulness-focused interventions in neurology: Principles, science, and patient selection. Seminars in Neurology. 2022;42:123–135. https://doi.org/10.1055/s-0042-1742287
14. Miller WR, Rollnick S. Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change. 3rd ed. New York, NY: Guilford Press; 2013.
15. Robbins M. Discussion of Motivational Interviewing principles. 2024.
16. Kanojia A. About Dr. Alok Kanojia. Healthy Gamer. Retrieved January 3, 2026, from https://healthy-gamer.gg/biography

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Defense Health Agency, Department of Defense, nor the U.S. Government. The opinions and views expressed here belong solely to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the Department of Defense (DoD) or its components. Any mention of commercial products or services does not imply DoD endorsement. Additionally, the presence of external hyperlinks does not signify DoD approval of the linked websites or their content, products, or services.

Author Bio
Dr. Corinne Devin Dr. Corinne Devin is a U.S. Navy orthodontist, speaker, and leader dedicated to service and mentorship. Stationed at Naval Medical Center San Diego, she transforms smiles while mentoring the next generation of professionals. A seasoned speaker, she inspires audiences with messages of leadership, confidence, and perseverance. Beyond her career, Devin has held state, national, and international pageant titles and serves on committees within the Pacific Coast Society of Orthodontics. Her global experiences, from military deployments to international speaking engagements, fuel her passion for making an impact—one smile and one story at a time.
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